Counselling on a Pfriday [Humor] (Dazzlings, Anon, Anon) - by Uh-hmmm

> Be Anon, school counselor > You are stuck with the Dazzlings, because > A) They are manipulative, evil girls, > B) No one really wants to pay a psychologist to deal with them, and > C) You actually believe in magic, due to certain events among the student body > Oddly enough, Adagio seems to be the most cooperative > "You don't understand, I had enough power to rule the world, I could /feel/ it." "You could always go into politics." > She just sighs > "Trust me, after a hundred years or so being the power behind a throne, you don't actually want to govern, you just want to be comfortable, and make people worship at your feet." > You make a note in your file "Have you ever considered being a dominatrix?" > She sits up straight at that > "You mean that's an actual job, and not just a fetish?" "It's a bit of both, but I think you'd like it." > Adagio gets an odd look in her eyes > "Could you help me practice? Somehow, I think you could really help me with this." > You clear your throat and look away "I'm afraid not. Ah, it seems our time is up. See you next week." > She sighs, then sashays towards the door > She glances over her shoulder, a smirk on her lips > "Maybe sooner." > And she's gone. > Aria is easily the most difficult, stubborn girl you have had to work with > You've taken to knitting a sweater while she stonewalls you > Click click > Click click > Click > You spool more yarn from the skein > Click > She just sits there on the couch, arms crossed and scowling > It's the third session like this, and you think you're getting through to her > Click click > Click > You pause deliberately > A little longer, not even looking at her > Ah well, may- > Aria stands up and glares at you > "Sometimes a cigar is just a penis!" > ... "You didn't pay much attention in psychology class, did you?" > She slams her hands down on your desk > "You're just trying to make me seem hysterical, so you can play with my vagina, I know it!" > ... "That hasn't been an ethical treatment for a long time. Is there something in your past you want to talk about?" > Aria leans down and growls in your face > "Let's be unethical." > Sonata... > Is Sonata > "Oh man, it was pizza pfriday today, and I ate so much pizza!" "I see." > She rolls around on the couch, clutching a throw pillow to her chest > "I had so much, my tummy felt like it was going to burst!" "It's probably not a good idea to eat that much all the time. You'll gain a fair amount of weight, if you keep that up." > Sonata freezes > "For realsies?" "For realsies." > She stands up, dropping the pillow > "Ooh, what if I am already fat?" > Sonata lifts up her shirt above her bra and stares at her stomach > "Is it bigger? I think it might be bigger!" "Please put your shirt back down." > "Is it because I'm fat?" > You rub your sinuses "No, it is not because you are fat. It's becau-" > She puts her shirt back down > "Good, because I'm an independent blue woman, and I don't need no man." > ... "Right. Well. Pay attention to what you eat, and you'll be fine." > Sonata looks at you blankly > "What are you talking about?" "Try not to eat so much on pizza pfridays and taco tuesdays. That way you won't get fat." > Her eyes go wide > "Ooh, what if I'm already fat? Tell me, has my butt gotten bigger?" > She begins to turn around "Stop! You are not fat!" > Sonata beams at you > "Aw, thanks for saying so." > You glance at your watch, and sigh in relief "You're welcome. It seems the time is up for this session, so I'll see you next week." > She smiles brightly > "That's great! You know, you are the first person who plays with me so often." > ... "That's what I'm here for. Oh, one last thing. A student dropped this off, I believe this belongs to you." > It has her student ID, after all > Sonata looks at the item in your hand curiously > "That's not my wallet." > The last bell rings, and you sit back in your chair > You always find the sound of students in the halls to be restful > Mostly because that means they aren't in your office > Your door opens, and a familiar face walks in > "Hey dad, I just have to get this off my chest, you know?" > You sigh "What is it, Anon Jr?" > "That feel when no girlfriend." > Your brow wrinkles, and you gaze soulfully back at him "I know that feel, son." > Adagio walks in, looking a fair bit happier than last week > She sits in the center of the couch, her hands folded in her lap > "I want to thank you for your advice last week." "You're quite welcome. So I take it you are feeling more in control of your life?" > She grins > "Oh yes. I persuaded an acquaintance to help me practice dominating, and the look he gave me, kneeling at my feet!" > Adagio grips the couch cushions on either side of her, her body tensing in a way that speaks directly to your manhood > "Then he licked and suckled on my toes~, oh Doctor, I have never been so fulfilled." "I...see." > She pauses, her back slightly arched > "Something interesting?" > You try to look anywhere but her "Just be careful. If it turns to actual sexwork, that would be illegal." > Adagio smirks in your peripheral vision as you stare out the window > "Not immoral? But enough of this. I'm sure you're wondering how we are integrating with the student body." > You turn back to make eye contact "That would be my next question, yes." > She crosses her legs and leans back > "It was quite easy. I merely had Sonata be the face of our little trio. Would you believe she's already sitting with the Rainbooms for lunch?" > You raise your eyebrows at that "I would have expected a bit more animosity, I have to say." > Adagio nods in agreement > "It makes sense when you remember Sunset is...sympathetic to our plight." "Ah, of course. And the rest of the student body?" > She makes a so-so gesture > "It's fairly divided. Girls hate us, Boys love us, Rainbow Dash is conflicted." > Aria struts in for her session, a strap-on sticking out of the crotch of her pants > facepalm.exe > She reclines on the couch, one leg bent all the better to prominently display her package > "I'm a boy now, suck my cock." > You think you preferred it when she was stonewalling you "No. I am here to help you through your personal problems, and hopefully help you find a productive way to contribute to society." > She just stares at you, a hand casually inching towards her strap-on. > "I know my internet rights. I said I'm a boy when I still have a vagina and everything, so you have to do what I say." > You sigh, and open a drawer in your desk > You grab one of the many orange pill bottles, and toss it to her > Aria stares at it in confusion "They're testosterone pills. That's all I can really do in this situation." > She sits up and cradles the bottle in her hand > Oh great, now she's seriously considering it > "If I take these, then will you suck my throbbing member?" > Error message: You cannot run more than two instances of facepalm.exe at one time. "No," > She throws it at you angrily > "Fine! I'll just get Anon to suck it!" > Aria storms out of your office, vigorously stroking the strap-on >... "Dammit, son." > Sonata's lips twitch > There is almost a full second of silence > Then she's back to giggling > You don't like to enable addictions, but Sonata is proving to be the exception to a lot of things > Like your patience > You open up a middle drawer, and randomly grab a sauce packet > As soon as she sees what you're doing, she is utterly focused on your hand > If you were to simply put the taco bell sauce back, she would be despondent the entire session > So instead, you throw it, a little to the side of her > Sonata lunges, and comes up with the packet safely caught in her mouth "So what was so funny?" > She spits the packet into her hand, and squishes it idly > "So, you know how I'm like, for realsies in love with tacos?" > The wedding pictures > Certain restaurants with a shoot to kill policy > A more innocent time, when you taught her how to cook ground beef "Yes, I know." > She grins > "So, did you know," > Sonata leans forward conspiratorially > "taco is another word for this!" > She points at her crotch, thankfully still covered by her skirt > You sigh "Yes, I know." > "I mean, look at it, it totally looks like a taco!" > You avert your eyes at the first hint if rustling cloth > "Hey, you're not looking! You totally need to see how much my thingy looks like a taco!" "No, it's alright, I've seen 'thingies' before, I fully understand their resemblance to tacos." > ... > You hear some more rustling, and risk a glance > It seems she let go, and is currently in some state of shock > At least she's decent, for the moment > Finally she blinks those huge eyes, terrifyingly devoid of sense > "You've seen porn?" "Well, " > "What is it like?" "It's hard to-" > "Really? Can you show me?" "No, I really can't-" > "Okay, I'll just have Anon show me." > Dammit, son "I just don't care anymore." > "Hmmm, right. Well. See you later today!" > With that she bounces out of your office > What did you do to deserve this? > The last bell rings > Mostly you try to get some paperwork done, but > "Hey dad, guess what!" "What." > "I'm totally getting to third base with Adagio!" > ... > You know you shouldn't have let 4chan raise your son, but he felt so at home there > It's only as time goes by that you start to see the consequences of that "Just so we are on the same page, what do you think third base is?" > Anon Jr rolls his eyes > "Come on, everyone knows it's licking elbows." "Right then, carry on." > "Alright, see you at the sleepover!" > He's out the door before you can demand an explanation > Upon reflection, you have a pretty good idea anyways > You glance down at your mug, a father's day present from years ago > It reads, "Original Parent, your a faggot." > Oh how quickly they grow up > You hear the door open again, and you sigh "Look, if you want to have a sleepover, some prior warning would be nice." > Principal Celestia walks through, and you feel yourself die a little on the inside > "I'll keep that in mind." > At least she's smiling "Ah, sorry, I didn't mean-" > She laughs a little, a warm, vibrant sound > "Don't worry about it. I just came by to tell you that we appreciate the trouble your taking with our newest students." > You nod stiffly "I'm glad I can help." > "You're a good man, Anon. Do let me know if there's -anything- Luna or I could do to help." > ... "Will do." > Celestia gives you one more radiant smile, and leaves > Did she just imply... > It doesn't matter, you have a sleepover to supervise