Counselling on a Pfriday [Humor] (Dazzlings, Anon, Anon) - by Uh-hmmm
> Be Anon, school counselor
> You are stuck with the Dazzlings, because
> A) They are manipulative, evil girls,
> B) No one really wants to pay a psychologist to deal with them, and
> C) You actually believe in magic, due to certain events among the student body
> Oddly enough, Adagio seems to be the most cooperative
> "You don't understand, I had enough power to rule the world, I could /feel/ it."
"You could always go into politics."
> She just sighs
> "Trust me, after a hundred years or so being the power behind a throne, you don't actually want to govern, you just want to be comfortable, and make people worship at your feet."
> You make a note in your file
"Have you ever considered being a dominatrix?"
> She sits up straight at that
> "You mean that's an actual job, and not just a fetish?"
"It's a bit of both, but I think you'd like it."
> Adagio gets an odd look in her eyes
> "Could you help me practice? Somehow, I think you could really help me with this."
> You clear your throat and look away
"I'm afraid not. Ah, it seems our time is up. See you next week."
> She sighs, then sashays towards the door
> She glances over her shoulder, a smirk on her lips
> "Maybe sooner."
> And she's gone.
> Aria is easily the most difficult, stubborn girl you have had to work with
> You've taken to knitting a sweater while she stonewalls you
> Click click
> Click click
> Click
> You spool more yarn from the skein
> Click
> She just sits there on the couch, arms crossed and scowling
> It's the third session like this, and you think you're getting through to her
> Click click
> Click
> You pause deliberately
> A little longer, not even looking at her
> Ah well, may-
> Aria stands up and glares at you
> "Sometimes a cigar is just a penis!"
> ...
"You didn't pay much attention in psychology class, did you?"
> She slams her hands down on your desk
> "You're just trying to make me seem hysterical, so you can play with my vagina, I know it!"
> ...
"That hasn't been an ethical treatment for a long time. Is there something in your past you want to talk about?"
> Aria leans down and growls in your face
> "Let's be unethical."
> Sonata...
> Is Sonata
> "Oh man, it was pizza pfriday today, and I ate so much pizza!"
"I see."
> She rolls around on the couch, clutching a throw pillow to her chest
> "I had so much, my tummy felt like it was going to burst!"
"It's probably not a good idea to eat that much all the time. You'll gain a fair amount of weight, if you keep that up."
> Sonata freezes
> "For realsies?"
"For realsies."
> She stands up, dropping the pillow
> "Ooh, what if I am already fat?"
> Sonata lifts up her shirt above her bra and stares at her stomach
> "Is it bigger? I think it might be bigger!"
"Please put your shirt back down."
> "Is it because I'm fat?"
> You rub your sinuses
"No, it is not because you are fat. It's becau-"
> She puts her shirt back down
> "Good, because I'm an independent blue woman, and I don't need no man."
> ...
"Right. Well. Pay attention to what you eat, and you'll be fine."
> Sonata looks at you blankly
> "What are you talking about?"
"Try not to eat so much on pizza pfridays and taco tuesdays. That way you won't get fat."
> Her eyes go wide
> "Ooh, what if I'm already fat? Tell me, has my butt gotten bigger?"
> She begins to turn around
"Stop! You are not fat!"
> Sonata beams at you
> "Aw, thanks for saying so."
> You glance at your watch, and sigh in relief
"You're welcome. It seems the time is up for this session, so I'll see you next week."
> She smiles brightly
> "That's great! You know, you are the first person who plays with me so often."
> ...
"That's what I'm here for. Oh, one last thing. A student dropped this off, I believe this belongs to you."
> It has her student ID, after all
> Sonata looks at the item in your hand curiously
> "That's not my wallet."
> The last bell rings, and you sit back in your chair
> You always find the sound of students in the halls to be restful
> Mostly because that means they aren't in your office
> Your door opens, and a familiar face walks in
> "Hey dad, I just have to get this off my chest, you know?"
> You sigh
"What is it, Anon Jr?"
> "That feel when no girlfriend."
> Your brow wrinkles, and you gaze soulfully back at him
"I know that feel, son."
> Adagio walks in, looking a fair bit happier than last week
> She sits in the center of the couch, her hands folded in her lap
> "I want to thank you for your advice last week."
"You're quite welcome. So I take it you are feeling more in control of your life?"
> She grins
> "Oh yes. I persuaded an acquaintance to help me practice dominating, and the look he gave me, kneeling at my feet!"
> Adagio grips the couch cushions on either side of her, her body tensing in a way that speaks directly to your manhood
> "Then he licked and suckled on my toes~, oh Doctor, I have never been so fulfilled."
"I...see."
> She pauses, her back slightly arched
> "Something interesting?"
> You try to look anywhere but her
"Just be careful. If it turns to actual sexwork, that would be illegal."
> Adagio smirks in your peripheral vision as you stare out the window
> "Not immoral? But enough of this. I'm sure you're wondering how we are integrating with the student body."
> You turn back to make eye contact
"That would be my next question, yes."
> She crosses her legs and leans back
> "It was quite easy. I merely had Sonata be the face of our little trio. Would you believe she's already sitting with the Rainbooms for lunch?"
> You raise your eyebrows at that
"I would have expected a bit more animosity, I have to say."
> Adagio nods in agreement
> "It makes sense when you remember Sunset is...sympathetic to our plight."
"Ah, of course. And the rest of the student body?"
> She makes a so-so gesture
> "It's fairly divided. Girls hate us, Boys love us, Rainbow Dash is conflicted."
> Aria struts in for her session, a strap-on sticking out of the crotch of her pants
> facepalm.exe
> She reclines on the couch, one leg bent all the better to prominently display her package
> "I'm a boy now, suck my cock."
> You think you preferred it when she was stonewalling you
"No. I am here to help you through your personal problems, and hopefully help you find a productive way to contribute to society."
> She just stares at you, a hand casually inching towards her strap-on.
> "I know my internet rights. I said I'm a boy when I still have a vagina and everything, so you have to do what I say."
> You sigh, and open a drawer in your desk
> You grab one of the many orange pill bottles, and toss it to her
> Aria stares at it in confusion
"They're testosterone pills. That's all I can really do in this situation."
> She sits up and cradles the bottle in her hand
> Oh great, now she's seriously considering it
> "If I take these, then will you suck my throbbing member?"
> Error message: You cannot run more than two instances of facepalm.exe at one time.
"No, just...no."
> She throws it at you angrily
> "Fine! I'll just get Anon to suck it!"
> Aria storms out of your office, vigorously stroking the strap-on
>...
"Dammit, son."
> Sonata's lips twitch
> There is almost a full second of silence
> Then she's back to giggling
> You don't like to enable addictions, but Sonata is proving to be the exception to a lot of things
> Like your patience
> You open up a middle drawer, and randomly grab a sauce packet
> As soon as she sees what you're doing, she is utterly focused on your hand
> If you were to simply put the taco bell sauce back, she would be despondent the entire session
> So instead, you throw it, a little to the side of her
> Sonata lunges, and comes up with the packet safely caught in her mouth
"So what was so funny?"
> She spits the packet into her hand, and squishes it idly
> "So, you know how I'm like, for realsies in love with tacos?"
> The wedding pictures
> Certain restaurants with a shoot to kill policy
> A more innocent time, when you taught her how to cook ground beef
"Yes, I know."
> She grins
> "So, did you know,"
> Sonata leans forward conspiratorially
> "taco is another word for this!"
> She points at her crotch, thankfully still covered by her skirt
> You sigh
"Yes, I know."
> "I mean, look at it, it totally looks like a taco!"
> You avert your eyes at the first hint if rustling cloth
> "Hey, you're not looking! You totally need to see how much my thingy looks like a taco!"
"No, it's alright, I've seen 'thingies' before, I fully understand their resemblance to tacos."
> ...
> You hear some more rustling, and risk a glance
> It seems she let go, and is currently in some state of shock
> At least she's decent, for the moment
> Finally she blinks those huge eyes, terrifyingly devoid of sense
> "You've seen porn?"
"Well, "
> "What is it like?"
"It's hard to-"
> "Really? Can you show me?"
"No, I really can't-"
> "Okay, I'll just have Anon show me."
> Dammit, son
"I just don't care anymore."
> "Hmmm, right. Well. See you later today!"
> With that she bounces out of your office
> What did you do to deserve this?
> The last bell rings
> Mostly you try to get some paperwork done, but
> "Hey dad, guess what!"
"What."
> "I'm totally getting to third base with Adagio!"
> ...
> You know you shouldn't have let 4chan raise your son, but he felt so at home there
> It's only as time goes by that you start to see the consequences of that
"Just so we are on the same page, what do you think third base is?"
> Anon Jr rolls his eyes
> "Come on, everyone knows it's licking elbows."
"Right then, carry on."
> "Alright, see you at the sleepover!"
> He's out the door before you can demand an explanation
> Upon reflection, you have a pretty good idea anyways
> You glance down at your mug, a father's day present from years ago
> It reads,
"Original Parent, your a faggot."
> Oh how quickly they grow up
> You hear the door open again, and you sigh
"Look, if you want to have a sleepover, some prior warning would be nice."
> Principal Celestia walks through, and you feel yourself die a little on the inside
> "I'll keep that in mind."
> At least she's smiling
"Ah, sorry, I didn't mean-"
> She laughs a little, a warm, vibrant sound
> "Don't worry about it. I just came by to tell you that we appreciate the trouble your taking with our newest students."
> You nod stiffly
"I'm glad I can help."
> "You're a good man, Anon. Do let me know if there's -anything- Luna or I could do to help."
> ...
"Will do."
> Celestia gives you one more radiant smile, and leaves
> Did she just imply...
> It doesn't matter, you have a sleepover to supervise