Tacos from hell - by Anonymous
Tacos from Hell
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"C'mon Aria! Hurry up! You're moving even slower than Nonny does after snu snu night!"
>Sonata's excitement had rendered her unable to walk, only skip and hop her way to the soon to be promised land.
>The purple grump groaned, her signature response to Sonata's shenanigans.
"I don't get why you're THIS excited for another taco day, we always go to one of the same three places whenever it's you turn to pick."
>The taco junkie's enthusiasm didn't waiver, nor did her hopping.
"But this place just opened last week and we've never been here before. Isn't that just a little exciting?!"
>Aria rolled her eyes.
"Not really."
>Sonata had opened her mouth to respond but cut herself off with a loud gasp.
"WE'RE HERE!"
>She was about to break into a full sprint but stopped when Adagio grabbed the back of her collar, stopping her mid stride.
>The all powerful poof, with a deadly serious expression, beckoned Sonata closer with a finger.
>She reluctantly stepped forward.
>You swear the sky darkened a bit.
"No beans. Got it?"
>The cold intensity of Adagio's gaze was enough to trigger anyone's fight or flight response.
>Sonata, to her credit only swallowed deeply and nodded before her happy go lucky smile returned and she continued skipping towards the restaraunt.
>You still aren't sure what the hell went down in your house that day.
>You were gone just long enough to miss the whole thing.
>None of the girls have ever said anything about what happened.
>The only things you know for sure are; it started with bean tacos and ended with a buttplug, a whole roll of duct tape, and an entire box of air freshener.
>Maybe it's better you don't know.
>Before walking through the doors of the establishment, you paused and admired the exterior.
>"Flame and Brimstone Firepit"
>Didn't exactly roll off the tongue.
>The outside walls had a volcanic look to them, a faint red and orange glow seeped from the cracks.
>A real high end but at the same time, fun and laid back looking joint.
>Not bad for place that was a five minute walk from your house.
>The inside was a little too warm for your tastes, your suit jacket was soon removed and draped over the back of your chair.
>There were just enough people inside to feel lively and comfortable.
>"Wow, they've got a little bit of everything here."
>You couldn't help but be impressed by the sheer variety this little startup had.
>So many different kinds of burgers, fries, pizzas, and of course, tacos.
"Look, they've got a special! Thirty three extra hot hellfire tacos for half off!"
>Sonata was bouncing in her seat like she was ready to take off.
"Extra hot? I'm game."
>Aria, the hot sauce connoisseur, licked her lips in anticipation and smirked.
>"A lot of tacos buuuut that is a pretty damn good deal. I'm in."
>You weren't about to pass up a chance to save money and avoid a ten minute argument over what to order.
>Adagio loudly voiced her disapproval but your attention was drawn away from the developing battle at your table by an odd sight.
>Trixie was running, fast as a olympic athlete, towards the bathroom while holding her stomach.
>The special must have been a little too hot for her to handle.
>You chuckled.
>"What a wimp!"
>You turned your head back to face the girls only to be met with a very angry Adagio glaring at you.
>Before you could ask what you had done wrong, Aria cut you off.
"Can't handle a little heat Dagi?"
>The purple grump gave a smile so smug it could give even poof a run for her money.
"I bet you can't even finish one taco Dagi!"
>Sonata dealt the killing blow by taunting her with the one thing Adagio could never back down from.
>A challenge.
"Fine! I'll take that bet. Order it Anon."
>You did as you were told, poof giving you the evil eye the entire time.
>She was really going to sit there the entire time with her arms crossed, sending a pissed off glance your way every now and then.
>"C'mon hon, I wasn't calling YOU a wimp. I was talking about "Trix are for rabbits" over there, running into the bathrooms like her life depended on it."
>You attempted to clear your name but Adagio only gave a huff in response, refusing to meet your gaze.
>"I know you're not above having junk food on occasion, poof. I watched you utterly demolish that half tub of ice cream that night you thought I fell asleep in my chair when we-"
>Her foot kicked your leg under the table.
"OW! WHAT THE FUCK ADAGIO?!"
>Well, she tried to anyway.
>She ended up hitting the knee of a certain purple grouch.
>The now enraged grump kicked with all her might at poof's leg.
"OWIE! That really hurt Aria!"
>Sonata held her now bruised thigh in pain.
>Oh the joys of four excitable people sitting close together at circular table.
"YOU CHEETO HAIRED CUNT!"
"BIG PURPLE JERK I HOPE YOU STEP ON A LEGO!"
"I SWEAR I'M GONNA BEAT BOTH OF YOU WITH A RUBBER HOSE UNTIL I'M THE ONE WHO'LL NEED A DOCTOR!"
>Time to nip this in the bud.
>"GIIRRLLSS!"
>Shatner would have been proud of the way you delivered that.
>The developing shitstorm died in an instant.
>Sonata looked guilty and stared down at the floor.
>Aria was like a peeved cat, clearly unsure if she should back down or stick to her guns.
>Adagio appeared ready to redirect her vitriol back at you but held her tongue. Subdued rage clear on her face.
>You slowly inhaled, held the breathe for a few seconds , then slowly released it.
>"We ARE NOT getting kicked out or banned from this place on our FIRST TIME here! Understand me? You can kick each other as much as you damn well please at home. Calm the fuck down or we're all going home hungry."
>They all looked varying degrees of upset but the short period of silent pouting ended when the promised tacos arrived.
>The first waiter placed the massive platter of sizzling red and orange tacos on the table, leaving almost no space left.
>The other two waiters placed four pitchers of ice water onto the few remaining empty spots.
>"The chef wanted me to tell you that he hopes you enjoy the meal, it's his personal recipe."
>The first waiter, a tall guy dressed in dark red with a well groomed mustache and goatee, gave the four of you a big smile before bowing and walking away.
>Everyone's attention returned to the treasure trove of tacos.
>Sonata looked as if she had just waked through the pearly gates of heaven and seen all of its infinite glories and wonders.
>Aria eyed the food in front of her like a hungry predator who had just cornered its prey after a long and agonizing chase.
>Adagio had turned pale, her nervous eyes drifting back and forth between the small army of tacos and the sizable, sweating pitchers of cold water.
>The heat rising from the banquet before your licked at your skin almost playfully, as if it were beckoning you closer.
>Sonata wasted no time in grabbing one and taking a bite, then another, and finally stuffed the remains into her mouth giving her chipmunk cheeks.
"It's wheally hwat bwut....UT'S SWHCOOO GUD."
>You weren't sure if the tears in her eyes were from the heat of the spices or because she was enjoying the taste that much
>The taco fiend grabbed one of the pitchers and took a large gulp of water.
>Her eyes were almost gleaming.
"They're amazing!"
>After hearing Sonata's praises, Aria wasted no time, scarfing down a taco as if it could have run away if she had hesitated.
>Taking only a sip of water, she wiped her mouth with her arm, a satisfied grin spreading across her face.
"We are definitely coming back here again."
>The smell of spices and sauces hit your noise, daring you to take a bite.
>You took a bite, heaven in a crunchy shell.
>You took another, bliss and euphoria.
>Sheer culinary magic at work.
>It was also hotter than expected by at least twenty five degrees.
>You quickly reached for the pitcher and took a large swallow.
>"Wwwooooo! That's one spicy meatball!"
>It was a near perfect mix of flavor and heat.
>Only one person at the table had yet to taste this fiery ambrosia.
>Adagio Dazzle, former siren and alpha of the pod, looked as if for the first time in her life, she would rather not have all eyes on her.
>She slowly raised a taco to her face, gave it a cautious sniff, and took a small bite.
>Her eyes shrunk to pin pricks and her hand shot out to grab the ice cold water pitcher.
>Aria grabbed her arm before she could get her fingers around the handle.
"Not until you finish the taco."
>The poof looked ready to strangle the grinning grump but she didn't argue.
>That would be admitting defeat.
>An unacceptable outcome.
>With a determined expression, she took another bite.
>Each swallow made her face a a little redder and a little bit sweatier.
>In roughly the same second she finished, the pitcher was snatched up and she started to chug its cold, clear, contents.
>She stopped after downing over a fourth of it.
>You, Sonata, and Aria all clapped.
>Adagio was panting, her face flushed while she fanned herself with both hands.
>It was hard to tell what was sweat, what was tears, and what was spilled water.
>She was the definition of a hot mess.
"What do you think Dagi?! Aren't they amazing?!"
>Sonata may be a taco addict, but she loved seeing other people enjoy them as well.
>The poofy haired hot mess huffed.
"Too hot for my tastes, but the flavor is pretty good. I'll give it that."
>You and Sonata glanced at each other and smirked.
"ONE OF US ONE OF US GOOBLE GOBBLE GOOBLE GOBBLE ONE OF US ONE OF US WE ACCEPT YO-"
"Shut up you two!"
>Adagio shook her head and sighed.
"I don't know who's the bigger child between you two."
>The next however many minutes passed by a flurry of munching, crunching and sipping.
>By the end of it, there wasn't a single taco left.
>Adagio had eaten the least and was the slowest,and had drank all of the water in her pitcher.
>You were in third place, reclining in your chair the best you could, looking satisfied.
>Aria was in second, her ravenous pace made her reach her limit first though.
>The winner when it came to most tacos devoured was unsurprisingly; Sonata.
>Her pace was a balance between savoring every bite and stuffing herself like their was an unseen timer somewhere.
>She was leaning her head back, mouth open a bit in a a relaxed smile while gently massaging her slight food baby.
>Your were about ask if everyone was ready to go when an earth shattering sound interrupted you and echoed across the restaurant.
"UURRPP!"
>Many heads turned to discover a blushing Sonata to be the source.
"Hehe Scusies."
"Uuugghh. You're so gross Sonata."
>The purple grump didn't hide her disgust.
>"Hey, in some human cultures, burping is seen as polite and a compliment to the chef."
>You figured a little weird trivia might prevent the next sibling showdown.
"Why are you humans so bizarre?"
>You might be the only human Adagio has and ever will truly like.
>"I said some cultures, not all. Anyway, you girls ready to go?"
>You stood up and started to put on your suit jacket.
"Yeah, we're ready. Let's go you two."
>The poof answered for her sisters and led the way to the exit.
>You were about to follow when something caught your eye.
>That Flash guy was speed walking to the bathroom, clearly clenching.
>You were barely able to hold in your laughter as the guitar he carried on his back caught on the door frame, made a comical sour note, and the resulting impact knocked him to floor with another sour note.
>A gurgle from your stomach drew your attention away from the developing clusterfuck.
>You probably ate a little too much, no need to worry.
>A few hours after the meal and less than a hour after the night's movie, the four of you had taken your positions in the couch cuddle pile.
>You in the center with the girls all nestled around your relaxed form.
"I'm sorry about earlier in the restaurant. I shouldn't lose my temper like that."
>Adagio actually sounded regretful.
>"It's alright poof, no harm no foul."
"I'm sorry for kicking you Aria, I was aiming for Anon."
>Aria chuckled and gave a relaxed sigh.
"Yeah, I figured. Sorry about all the yelling Anon and sorry for kicking you that hard Sonata."
"Mmmpph It's okay Aria, my leg doesn't hurt anymore."
>You cracked a content smile.
>They still fought a lot, as sisters do, but not nearly as much or aggressively as before.
>It felt great to see them getting along more, the stresses of world domination and severe financial hardship long behind them.
"Will you stop squirming Sonata?! You've been doing this for almost a half hour."
>Aria and Sonata, cuddle pile neighbors, most of the time at peace with each other but not tonight.
>Certainly not tonight.
"I can't help it, my tummy really hurts, like really bad!"
>The grump rolled her eyes.
"You overdid it again on the tacos again."
>Sonata slowly got up from the couch, holding her still slightly swollen stomach.
"No, this is different, this feels...."
>She was cutoff by a loud churning noise coming from her gut.
"GOTTA GO GOTTA GO GOTTA GOOOOOOOOOO"
>She ran to her bathroom and slammed the door shut.
>A few seconds later, the sound of a raging geyser and an earsplitting cry of pain.
>Oh god.
>Aria seemed like she was going to say something but a deep gurgling interrupted .
"Ooooooh nooooooo ffffuuuuUUUUUCCCKKKK!"
>In record time she had sprinted to her bathroom, her screams of agony and anger joining Sonata's shrill cries.
"IT BUUUUURRRRNNNSSS!"
>Poor Sonata was not feeling any better.
>You and Adagio turned toward each other.
>Her look of barely contained terror met your horrified expression.
>A large single drop of sweat slowly inched down her face.
>The sound of a car engine full of cooking oil roaring to life while underwater signaled she was next.
>In the blink of an eye she had disappeared into her bathroom leaving you standing there alone.
>Oh dear god.
>A Harvey Keitel-esque wail escaped your throat as you realized the predicament you were in.
>When the four of you were house hunting, the girls insisted on each having a bathroom to themselves.
>Funny considering you all slept on a single large bed together.
>Sisterly or siren behavior, you weren't sure.
>You picked this house with three bathrooms, assuming that a situation where all three would be occupied at the exact time you needed to use the toilet would be one in a million.
>You wanted to strangle your past self at that moment.
>There were no toilets left in this house.
>You were frantically looking everywhere for salvation.
>Every second felt like trying to contain a thermonuclear explosion inside your bowels.
>Outside?
>No, the neighbors would probably see you, film it, send it to a tv show in hopes of winning money, or worse put it on the internet for the world to see.
>The sink?
>No, the girls would demand you have the entire thing replaced no matter how much you cleaned it.
>Speaking of the girls, the choir of screaming and crying was still going strong.
>It sounded like someone was punching the wall in rage.
>Oh dear God in heaven.
>The putrid stench filling the house was making you queasy.
>Focus Anon!
>What could you possibly use as a makeshift toilet?
>A trash bag?
>No, it couldn't survive what was coming.
>A trashcan?
>No, if your legs gave out the cheap plastic can would shatter under your full weight.
>A pot?
>No, it would fill up too quickly.
>Wait.
>A pot!
>You turned your attention to Jim, the beloved cactus of the house.
>"I'M SORRY JIM!"
>The unsuspecting cactus and his dirt were unceremoniously dumped onto the floor.
>You grabbed a fresh roll of paper towels in a frenzy.
>You pulled down your pants, sat atop the massive pot and finally....
>Fire
>Liquid fire shot out of you with the force and fury of a volcano that hadn't gotten its yearly sacrifice.
>Oh dear God in heaven have mercy.
>Another bad lieutenant-esque howl arose from your tormented lungs.
>The pain and the burning was worse than anything you could have ever imagined.
>You no longer feared hell for it was erupting out of your ass like an unholy fire hose.
>Your screams and groans joined the agonized choir the dazzlings had created.
>You put your hands a prayer formation and looked to the ceiling.
>"I know I haven't talked to you in long loooonnnggg time but please help us out here! I'll start going to church. I"ll marry all three of them as soon as I get the money for the rings so all the sex we have won't be premarital anymore! Just PLEEEEEAAAAAASSSSE make this stop!"
>It is still, to this day, unknown how long this ordeal lasted.
>To you, it felt like it could have been hours, or day, or weeks, maybe even years.
>Time had lost all meaning.
>The only constant was shit.
>An endless cascade of shit.
>Eventually the clouds parted and the heavens shined down on you.
>The flow of accursed caca had stopped.
>You were soaked from head to toe in sweat.
>Dear god the fucking smell could kill an animal.
>All that could be done was sit there and wait for your senses to return.
>It felt as if your nose hairs had curled further into your nose to try to hide.
>The girls were still screaming, someone was still punching the wall.
>You needed to hurry up before someone saw you in this pathetic state.
>It took half the roll of paper towels to finish wiping .
>You asshole felt like it had been fucked with a cheese grater before you rubbed it dozens of times with rough, dry paper.
>Now it felt like a mortal wound.
>The used paper towels had been hastily dropped into the pot, one after the other.
>You were about to drag the pot outside when the idea to look inside came to you.
>It wouldn't hurt to peak at the putrid poo pile would it?
>Make sure you and the girls didn't need to go the hospital or something.
>Slowly you peered into the dark ominous hole, trembling and sweating.
>What you saw will haunt you for the rest of your days.
>You had seen videos and pictures of war crimes, cartel executions, and your cousin's attempt at a stand up comedy career.
>What lurked in that deep dark pit of suffering was worse than anything you had ever and, most likely, will ever see.
>The paper towels had been swallowed up by the liquid demon lurking inside.
>You still swear to this day it had started to churn and boil.
>The unholy stench was like a thick, invisible fog rising from the pot.
>A feeling of overwhelming sickness hit you like a diseased tidal wave.
>Bile rapidly rose to your throat.
>You didn't try to contain it.
>You vomited so hard it sounded like you were screaming.
>All of it into the container of concentrated evil.
>Your throat burned, your body ached, you needed to sit down.
>You collapsed into a heap on the couch.
>Wiping the sweat from your brow, you smacked your lips and groaned.
>You really needed something to drink.
>You were still resting on the couch, a glass of water in one hand and a bottle of an electrolyte filled sports drink in the other.
>All of the windows had been opened in a desperate attempt to combat the smell.
>It wasn't very effective.
>The agonized screams had started to die down, replaced by muffled crying.
>These poor girls may have a less than squeaky clean history but no evil deed could justify this level of suffering and punishment.
>The door to Adagio's bathroom slowly opened to reveal the poof herself.
>She had clearly tried to make herself look like nothing had happened with mixed results.
>Her hair was not the usual controlled messy.
>It was the "ran a marathon in the rain and got fucked in the ass at the end of it" kind of messy.
>She had applied a bit of makeup but that couldn't hide the dried tear streaks on her face.
>The smell of perfume was almost overwhelming.
>Her eyes had a tired and weary look in them.
>Like someone who had trudged through oblivion and came out too tired to give a damn about the infinite horrors.
>She sat down next to you without saying a word.
>You put a glass and bottle in both of her hands.
"Thank you."
>Her voice was barely above a whisper.
>The more you looked at her, the more obvious it was that her calm demeanor was a badly cracked mask trying hide the extreme embarrassment she was feeling.
>Wordlessly you moved closer to start massaging her shoulders.
>A relaxed sigh left her and she visibly slouched.
>You had done this enough times to know where her sweet spots were.
>Before you could finish, Aria's bathroom door swung open hard enough to hit the wall.
>The signature "Grump is very pissed about something" sign.
>She trudged to the couch, grabbed her glass and bottle from your hands and plopped down.
>Like Adagio, it looked like she tried to make herself look presentable, but in her case, gave up halfway through.
>Plenty of dried tear streaks, hair was a mess, sweaty clothes, spots where her runny makeup had been wiped off, and to top it all off, a face that said; "Talk to me and I'll punch you in the throat."
>You valued being able to breathe so you said nothing and started massaging her back, starting with the extra sensitive places you'd discovered.
>She let out a groan of relief, leaning into your touch.
>Adagio took one of your hands and placed it back on her shoulder.
>You didn't need to be told what she wanted.
>The three of you sat like that for a while, both of the girls leaning on you.
>The door to Sonata's bathroom slowly and loudly creaked open.
>You really needed to oil those darn hinges.
>She shuffled into the living room and you were able to get a good look at her.
>Normally, Sonata was the one whose happy and optimistic demeanor shone through in even the worst of situations.
>The heart of the trio, who didn't give up or let the cruel reality of the world around her discourage her.
>That wasn't the case here.
>She looked like hell, plain and simple, no quips or one -liners could do how bad she appeared justice.
>Her hair was was a complete disaster, it looked like she had been in a trapped wind tunnel while getting zapped with static electricity.
>Her skin still glistened with sweat.
>Her cloths were drenched, top to bottom.
>Runny makeup had trailed down her face.
>Her eyes were red, puffy, and still watery.
>It took a sniffle from the poor blue taco lover to snap you out of your shock.
>"Oh my god hon."
>You sprung up to meet her halfway.
>"C'mere"
>You embraced her in a hug and led her to the couch.
"Those weren't tacos. Tacos make people happy. Those were evil."
>Her voice sounded so empty it made your heart ache hearing it.
>Adagio and Aria had turned to look at her, concern apparent.
>There was nothing you could say that could get her to feel any better.
>There was something you could do though.
>Bust out ol'reliable.
>You slid one hand down to her leg while gently rubbing the top of her head with the other.
>"Tickle tickle tickle..."
>Your fingers danced in place in one of those familiar "weak spots" of hers.
>She fidgeted in place a little but didn't even crack a smile.
>You were going to have to step it up a notch.
>One hand moved to her hips, the other to her neck.
>"Tickle tickle tickle tickle tickle...."
>She couldn't sit still now, a smile breaking across across her face.
"Hehehe Anon, I ca-hehehe, wai-hehehe.
>She couldn't finish a sentence now, a good sign, you increased the intensity of your attack.
>"Tickle tickle tickle TICKLETICKLETICKLETICKLE!"
"HeheheHAHAHAHAHA-ANON I-AHAHAHAHA!"
>Mission successful team, return to base.
>"Feeling better?"
>Sonata took a few seconds to catch her breath.
"Thanks nonny, I really needed that."
>She leaned forward and planted a passionate kiss on your lips.
>Whether she needed to cheered up, woken up, or calmed down; tickles have always been the go-to Sonata fixer.
>Her being extra lovey-dovey with you afterwards was just a bonus.
"It was those fucking tacos that did this to us, didn't they? Why did you have to pick there of all places Sonata?!"
>Aria was not her usual angry, no, this was her genuinely infuriated state.
>Not as common as some may think.
"Well, how was I supposed know that those tacos were like cursed or something?! It's not my fault!"
>Oh god not this shit now.
>Sonata was not going to take it lying down, figuratively anyway, neither blue nor grump had moved from their spots.
>You saw an opportunity to prevent any more arguments and scuffles as well satisfy your own desire for payback.
>You stood up slowly, making an almost dramatic show of it.
>"Tomorrow we're going back there, we're gonna find out who or what was responsible for the shit we went through tonight, and when we do, there will be hell to pay."
>Your words were less spoken and more snarled.
>Before you knew it, they had surrounded you in a gentle but firm group hug, their eyes seemingly glowing in the low light, with shark like smiles stretching almost ear to ear.
"I love it when you say what we're all thinking Anon."
"You're a real dork sometimes, but it's stuff like this that reminds us why we picked you as our mate.
"Tomorrow. We. HUNT."
>That last voice may have belonged to Sonata, but it sounded so terrifyingly cold and sinister, it should have been someone else's.
>Her normal bubbly bimbo tone replaced with a deeper, more mature, more dangerous inflection.
>You could feel a shudder from Adagio and Aria.
>Your hand quickly reached over to Sonata's neck and began tickling.
"Hehehehehe nonny no faaiiiir hehehehe."
>Her tense form relaxed and started rubbing against you like a cat.
>Crisis averted.......for now.
>You needed to keep an eye on her tomorrow, lest, THAT side of her be unleashed again.
>"Alright girls, let's go over the plan one more time."
"Your plan sucks Anon."
>"I didn't ask your opinion grump. Now from the beginning ."
>Aria rolled her eyes and huffed.
"WE wait outside and do NOTHING while YOU go inside to find out who fucked with our tacos."
>"Exactly, and when I do, we jump the fucker in the parking when they get off work. It's foolproof!"
>You turned around and pointed a finger at Sonata.
>"Be a good girl or I'll get the ticklers out, understand?"
>She nodded.
>"I'm going in, if I'm not back in exactly ten minutes, storm the place and rescue me."
>Before the girls could get another word in, you turned and power walked straight into the maw of hell.
>Business was clearly slower, being a bit before noon and all, but what jumped out at you the moment you looked at the register was the small crowd of upset customers.
>They were locked in a fierce argument with what looked like the manager, the goatee waiter from last night was trying to hide behind him.
>There was too much shouting over one another for you to understand what was being said but a few words stood out to you.
>"Tacos"
>"Bathroom"
>"Stomach"
>"Agony"
>"Explosive diarrhea"
>"Waiter recommended"
>"Hang the bastard, Hang him high, Hoist his body to the sky"
>The waiter saw you watching the soon to be execution, locked eyes with you, and gave you the most emotional, "It wasn't me! I didn't know!", look you had ever seen.
>He was either an oscar worthy actor or he really was innocent.
>You were about to take a seat and watch the shitshow go down when you noticed something.
>A round face peering at the chaos from the kitchen door's window.
>He looked quite pleased with how things were going with the enraged patrons.
>Whoever was behind the door noticed you noticing him and gave the biggest shit eating grin you had seen in years.
>He stuck his tongue out at you and disappeared.
>You speed walked to the door, trying to keep your temper in check, and gave the handle a hard pull.
>It didn't budge, the heavy metal doors were locked securely from the other side.
>You peeped through the round window and very nearly went ballistic at what you saw.
>That fat little fuck had climbed up on the counter, pulled down his pants, and was mooning you, all while cackling like a madman.
>It took all of your willpower to not try to tear those doors off the hinges, it wouldn't do any good.
>Instead you stormed out the front doors, opening them with a hefty kick.
>The dazzlings all turned to you, clearly startled.
>You saw a lone trash can sitting alone.
>You wanted to kill it.
>"Son of a-"
>You kicked the can hard enough to send tumbling into the street.
>"BITCH!"
"Looks like you found-"
>You cut Adagio off with what sounded like a roar.
>"IT WAS THE FUCKING COOK! THAT GODDAMN LARD ASS COCKSUCKER DID IT TO US AND A BUNCH OF OTHERS AND HE KNOWS IT AND HE LOVES IT!"
"There's others!? Where's the fucking cook?! I'll burn the fucker alive in his own deep frier!"
>Aria was almost as mad as you.
"Are the others in there now? What are they doing?"
>Adagio was looking through the windows with that expression she had when she was planning something big.
>"There's a small crowd inside baying for blood."
>You pointed at the group through the window.
"An angry mob could be useful. They could do the dirty work for us."
>She had that signature smug grin of hers on display.
>"Whip them up into a frenzy, they turn into a lynching party and we don't have to get our hands dirty. I love it when you speak my language poof."
>Your sadistic grin mirrored hers.
>"Alrighty then, let's go insi-"
"Hanging's to good for him!"
>Your heart dropped like a brick in water.
>That familiar but chilling voice.
>Almost Sonata but too cruel and deep to be hers.
>You, Adagio, and Aria quickly turned around to face the agitated beast.
>Adagio started to slowly back away from the rest of you.
"Burning's too good for him!"
>Her voice had gotten even deeper.
>Her eyes looked feral.
>Her teeth resembled that of an apex predator.
>Her hair started to look wild and unkempt.
>Aquatic features like fins and antennae like feelers sprouted out of her head.
>Her skin had started to be replaced with scales.
>Aria hid behind you, peering at Sonata with wide, horrified eyes.
>You lunged forward to stop the this terrifying (but also kinda hot) transformation with the only weapon at your disposal.
>Old reliable.
"HE SHOULD BE TORN INTO LITTLE BIT-hehe"
>Both of your hands participated in the ruthless tickle assault.
"I'll kilhehehehehe Anon not now hehehe!"
>Full power mister right.
>Full power mister left.
>It was and always will be the only way to stop the savage beast within her from emerging
"HeheheheHAHAHAHAHAH OKAY ANON OKAY I'M FEELING BETTER NOW AHAHAHA PLEASE!"
>She had physically returned to normal.
>"Calmed down?"
>She pulled you in close, giving you a messy, smooch on the lips, while her fabric stretching sex mounds squished against your chest.
>Yeah, she had calmed down.
"Thanks Nonny! You always know how to cheer me up."
>Adagio and Aria inched closer upon seeing that the terror had been contained once again.
>"You say that she only started doing this after she learned about tacos?"
>You held Sonata close and continued the gentle tickles while she made soft, almost purr like sounds.
"She never did anything like this until she got addicted to tacos and it only happened once."
>Aria's grumpy demeanor had returned but you could still see a glint of fear in her eyes.
>"None of you have ever told me what the hell happened that evening I came back and found the house turned upside down."
>You gave poof and grump a side eyed glare.
>You're better off not knowing Anon. Believe me."
>Adagio sounded even more serious than she usually did.
>A sign it would be better to drop it.
"HEY!"
>A shout cut you off before the four of you could start forming a new plan so you spun around.
>Standing before you was the last bunch you wanted to bump into that day.
>The rainbooms.
"What are you doing here?!"
>Rainbow Dash was being her usual diplomatic self.
"We can stand around where ever we choose to. What are YOU doing here!"
>Adagio was always more than happy to return fire when it came to the rainbooms.
>Before they could answer, you held a hand to quiet them.
>"Let me guess. You girls ate those unholy tacos too, got the nuclear shits just like we did and are back here for revenge just like we are."
>Sunset Shimmer rubbed the back of her neck and looked down.
"We're not here to get revenge, we just wanna know-"
>Her eyes went wide and she blanched.
"How did you know that we-"
>You held up your hand again.
>"All of the perfume in the world can't hide the smell those tacos leave when they come out."
>Now they all looked pretty embarrassed.
>Out of the blue, Pinkie Pie raised her hand.
"Hey Anon! Why are you tickling Sonata?"
>The rainbooms attention had been drawn to the fact that you had been tickling Sonata throughout the entire exchange.
>She was still snuggling against you lovingly.
>"Trust me when I say it's for the safety of everyone within a hundred feet of this joint."
>They didn't look like they believed you but that was probably for the best.
>"I know who it was that spiked the tacos. It was that short, fat, beady eyed chef with the annoying laugh."
>Pinkie Pie gasped dramatically.
"I know who that is! His name is Master Baker! We're in home ec together!"
>The ponk's happy expression soured.
"And he's always been a huge meanie!"
>This guy had to be a real dickhead for Pinkie to not like him.
>If his parents named him that at birth then no wonder he grew up to be an asshole.
"What ah don't figure is why this varmint would do this to us and the dazzlings. What could all of us have done to him?"
>Applejack was scratching her chin, perplexed.
>"It's not just our two groups. There's a pissed off horde of victims in there right now. Trixie and Flash got the atomic runs too. I saw them here yesterday scrambling to get into the bathrooms."
>You pointed to the mob inside the restaurant.
>They still looked pretty mad.
>Fluttershy looked through the window with worry.
"Oh no, why would Master do this to so many people? Nobody has ever done anything to him."
>"There's a non zero chance this little bastard is a Nurgle cultist and is trying to conjure up a poop demon or something. It would explain why the whole thing burned so damn much."
>You chimed in with an unlikely but still possible theory only to get looks of disgust and disbelief from everyone else.
>While the rainbooms and dazzlings, normaly hostile to each other, theorized on the evil chefs motives, you couldn't help but remember Flash wiping out in the bathroom doorway.
>The guitar on his back catching on the door frame and sending him to the floor with a perfectly timed sour note was one of the funniest things you seen in years.
>You needed to tell your girlfriends about that when things calmed down a little.
>Wait.
>Music.
>Could it really be that?
>Could anybody really be that petty?
>"Did Masturbator enter in the battle of the bands?"
>Rainbow and Aria snickered loudly.
"That isn't his name darling, but yes, I believe he did."
>Rarity was cutoff by Aria laughing.
"That fatass with the tuba? He sucked! He didn't even make it past the auditions!."
>You raised a hand to your chin in thought.
>"It's just as I suspected...."
> The peanut gallery chimed in with rapid responses before you could finish.
"The doo doo demon is real?!"
"He's trying to sabotage the place he works for because he's underpaid?"
"He's an evil space alien out to ruin the good name of tacos?"
"The dazzling's spell left some kind of permanent mark on his mind?"
>Adagio shot an angry glare at Sunset but you interrupted with another raise of your hand.
>"None of the above. I think this guy is just a sore loser and an asshole who's mad that everybody did better than him in a competition. He hasn't been planning this since then, the opportunity just presented itself and he took it."
>There were a lot of dropped jaws.
"FOR REALSIES?!"
"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"
"THAT'S IT?!"
"What about all the people who weren't in the battle of the bands? You weren't there Anon."
>Oh Fluttershy, you sweet innocent fool you.
>"I don't think short, fat, and stupid cares too much about casualties, he might even think a few randos getting caught in the crossfire is funny."
>It wasn't a good feeling knowing how low the average asshole could sink to in the name of petty revenge but you had seen enough of it happen back home to consider yourself an expert.
"You said you're getting revenge on this guy right?"
>"Yeah, why?"
"If you're getting payback then I want in too!"
>Rainbow stepped away from her friends and towards you and the girls.
>Before anyone could object, Rarity stepped forward.
"I agree! We can't let this brute terrorize everyone with his dastardly cooking."
"Ahm with Rares and Rainbow on this, we can't let this go on!"
>Aj joined the lynching party.
"That Master Baker is huge meanie pants who needs to get his just desserts!"
>Pinkie joined the pissed off posse.
"I don't care how much of a jerk this guy is! I'm not going to let you hurt anyone!"
>Oh Sunset, your virtuousness at a time like this could make a man cry.
>You raised both hands in mock offense.
>"Shimmy, Shimmy, Shimmy, we're not gonna hurt him."
>Several "We're not!?"'s startled you, but you didn't lose your resolve.
>"I was thinking eye for an eye. We mix up something really potent and put it in his food without him noticing. See how he likes it when a whole damn shit river shoots out his ass!"
>The disappointment from the girls gave way to cheers.
>Sunset wore a wicked grin.
"If that's the plan, I'm in."
>There was only one person remaining and she looked like a puff of wind would knock her over.
"Well.......we shouldn't! An eye for an eye makes the world blind! I think...."
>She didn't look sure of herself at all.
>"That's not the original quote Flutters!"
>You raised a finger with a smug smile.
"It's not?"
>"Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth-"
>Sonata joined you in the verse quoting.
>" hand for a hand, foot for a foot."
>You gave a her a pat on the head while she giggled.
>"Thatta girl."
>She must have been going through your books again, the little snoop.
"Come on Fluttershy! If we don't stop him, he could do it again to someone else! It all depends on us!"
>Rainbow pumped a fist into the air.
"Well....if it's to stop him from hurting other people.... okay, I'll help, but we can't hurt him!"
>The team was complete, there were big smiles from almost everyone, a unified look of "Let's do this".
>You let out a slight chuckle.
>"It just hit me, we're just three short of a baker's dozen."
>The ponk sprung up next to you.
"Want me to see if-"
>"NO!"
>She shrunk back, startled by your strong reaction.
>You pinched the bridge of your nose and sighed.
>"No, lets just keep this on the down low. If nobody knows we did it, Masturbator won't know who to go after. Now-"
>You made a show of clapping your hands together.
>"Group huddle!"
>The shoulder to shoulder circle formed.
"Alright who knows his bastard's schedule?"
>Adagio never wasted time in taking the reins of a scheme.
"Me! He always eats a second breakfast in the storage room! I know what he eats every morning too!"
>Pinkie was gonna prove to invaluable if she kept this up.
"I know what's hot and-"
>"I know you do hon."
>Aria gave you a kick to the knee for that one.
"Shut up idiot. Anyway I know a lot about hot sauces and spices, and he couldn't have made something that potent without adding something extra strong to the recipe."
"I saw him mixing up meat he kept throwing away and he always had this bag full of all these ingredients with him."
>Pinks had just become a contender for MVP.
"Can you get the names of everything he might have been using when he was experimenting with those tacos?"
"Can do!"
"Excellent. Here's the plan; nobody lets anyone see them at school that day. We can all say we were still sick from the tacos and no one will suspect that we're working together. We'll split into two groups-"
>Poof was in her element, planning like the natural born mastermind she was, directing who did what, when, and where.
>Damn she looked good when planning something that would ruin someone's day.
"We all meet behind the school an hour before attendance is called. We're pulling this off with no mistakes, got it? Whatever your task is, get started on it. We've only got a day and half."
>"This is Mean Green. If everyone's in position, we'll commence operation: brown tsunami. You're up Speedster. Over."
"Speedster here! Big loud distraction in three, two, one..."
>What sounded like a car full of explosives ramming into a pyramid of pots and pans echoed through the school.
"That should do it! Heading to the meeting spot now! Over!"
"This is Firestorm, a lot of students are headed towards the distraction. Over"
"Purple Urchin here, Celestia left her office, she's headed there now. Over."
"Juicy Fruit talking, Luna just left her office too. Over"
>Lardass hadn't left the storage room though.
>"This is Mean Green, the pig is still in the pen. The stage is yours Lion's Paw. Over"
"This is Lion's Paw, I shouldn't be long. Over."
>A few moments later, a near perfect audio deepfake of Celestia's voice came over the intercom, telling fat boy to come to the office.
>Within a month of you teaching Adagio the basics of audio editing, the student had surpassed the teacher.
>She had even figured out how to play the message to only this section of the school, the principal and vice, on the other side, would be none the wiser.
>The grease golem stumbled out of the store room, farted loudly, huffed and began waddling his way to the office.
>You and Sonata held your noses and tried not to laugh out loud.
>"This is Mean Green, piggy left the pig pen, I repeat, piggy left the pig pen. Me and Blue Shark are going in. Keep us posted on his movements. Over"
"Purple Urchin here, remember to use the needle I gave you. Don't put the stuff on the outside, he'll never taste it if it's inside his slop. Use about a third of it. Over."
>"Roger that Urchin. We'll inject it into the middle for maximum effectiveness. Over."
>You and Sonata creeped into the dark, smelly storage room, still holding your noses.
>"You keep watch hon, I'll give his breakfast a little seasoning...."
>You filled up the syringe again and again, giving each piece of food at least one jab.
>"Alright, that should do it. Let's split."
"Is there any left?"
>"Yeah about half, why-"
"Use it all."
>Sonata gave you a sinister smirk.
>You hesitated for a moment, then grinned like a cheshire cat.
>The two of you laughed like deranged hyenas while you gave everything a second dose.
>In a short time, you were back in the hiding spot.
>"This is Mean Green. Come in High Society. Is the pig out of your sight yet? Over."
"High Society speaking darling, that disgusting brute turned the corner over a minute ago. He moves like a snail but is always out of breath! Over."
>"Come in Animal Mother. Is the pig in your sight? Over."
"It's Flu-I mean Animal Mother. He's still walking to the storage room...........oh! Over."
>Sonata peered through the peep hole of your hiding spot.
"Uuuuuggghhh! He's sooooo sloooooowwww! It's almost second period and he's not here."
>"Patience my love, patience. Titty two chins has never-shit! There he is!"
>The ham beast slowly waddled his way to the store room door, huffing, puffing and sweating enough to leave small puddles in his wake.
>You wrapped both arms around Sonata while she vibrated in place from excitement.
>A few minutes later, a deep guttural groan straight from the pits of Hell itself came from behind the door.
>The blubbery bastard burst from the door and duck walked his way down the hallway, moaning in agony the entire time.
>"This is Mean Green! The pig is headed for the predicted dumping ground! Everyone make your way there! Don't be seen by anyone! Over!"
>The living meatball jiggled down the hall with more speed than you thought a man whose blood was ninety six percent crisco could achieve.
>You, Sonata and the rest of the girls gathered around the bathroom door the second it slammed shut.
>Everyone was waiting with bated breath, almost every face had a big smile on it.
>Suddenly, the sound of a fire hydrant being opened followed by an unearthly and unmanly scream.
>Nobody could hold in their laughter.
>The spraying got louder and louder, sounding more like an industrial strength water cannon.
>The screams turned to animalistic wails.
>You and the girls were laughing hard enough to cry at that point.
>A few were gagging at the stench.
>Minutes passed and he was still going, the sounds getting louder by the second.
>The rainbooms slowly went from genuine laughs to a few nervous laughs to looking worried.
>You and the dazzlings were still enjoying every moment of it.
"Maybe we overdid it a little? This feels like we've gone a bit too far."
>Oh Shimmy you utter goody two shoes you.
>"Nah, he deserves this. My cactus died because of this son of bitch."
>She was about say something when the noises from the bathroom signaled the grand finale.
>The poop flow must have been like a raging waterfall and his screams had become a long high pitched squeal.
>Sonata was cackling harder than you had ever heard her.
>Even Adagio and Aria were a little put off by her sheer sadistic glee.
>Without warning, there was an explosion, a crash, and the squealing and the PPPPHHHHHBBBBBBBPPPPTTTT seemed to be getting more distant.
>It took you a few moments to realize what just happened.
>"Oh my god he just shot through the fucking ceiling."
>Sonata was rolling on the floor laughing hysterically.
>There was some laughter from the others girls but most were picking their jaws off the floor.
"How in tarnation is this possible?!"
"Is he still in the ceiling?"
"Where did he go?!"
>There was a loud crash, pig squealing, students screaming in horror, and more PPPHHBBBBTTTT.
>Oh no please god no not that please.
>He was crashing through the classroom walls.
>He had become a living shit missile and was smashing his way through every wall in his path while spraying liquid crap all over everything, everyone, and everywhere.
>You crept over to the corner and peaked, hoping to see the mayhem for yourself.
>A brown blob rapidly flew by the end of the hallway leaving a trail of excrement in its wake.
>A small group of fleeing students were splattered as it sped past them.
>Oh god it was everywhere.
>The floors, the walls, and the ceiling had been thoroughly painted.
>The unlucky victims were shrieking almost as loud as the pig man.
>"IT'S IN MY EYES!"
>"I SWALLOWED SOME!"
>"I CAN'T SEEEEEEEE!"
>"Can I borrow a breath mint?"
>You looked back at the girls, a thousand yard stare on your face.
>You're still not sure how long the rampage of the rotten dung rocket went on for.
>The sound of a stuka beginning its descent, followed by a school shaking kaboom, signaled to the world that the terror was finally over.
>You and a few of the girls peered around the corner again.
<It was even more horrific than before.
>Teacher and students alike were covered from head to toe.
>People were throwing up all over the floors.
>Plenty were slipping in it.
>Someone was dragging an unconscious friend of theirs through the sludge.
>A poor bastard was stuck to the ceiling.
>Saffron Masala was shitting in the floo-wait, she always did that.
>"Hey girls.......I know we might have overdone it a little but it could be worse."
>The ol'Anon charm would defuse the situation.
"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DID YOU PUT IN THAT ASSHOLE'S FOOD!"
>It was worth a try.
>Sunset was a bit steamed to put it mildly.
>Most of the rainbooms weren't too calm either.
"What are we gonna do?!"
"We're dead! You hear me?! Dead!"
"They'll expel us over this!"
"I'm too young!"
"GAME OVER GIRLS GAME OVER!"
"EVERYONE SHUT UP!"
>The almighty poof had spoken.
>She had summoned a tense and fragile silence.
"Pinkie, what did you put in that mixture?"
"Weeeeelllll I couldn't figure out what ingredient he put in the tacos so I just put in all of the ones he had looked at!"
"And what were those ingredients?"
"Stuff that gets used in mixing explosives!"
"How do you even-"
"I learned all about that for my party cannon!"
>Adagio's tired, deadpan expression said everything.
"What did you put in it Aria?"
>Grump crossed her arms defensively.
"Just a bunch of the hottest sauces from my collection. None of them are a health hazard as long as you don't take too much."
>The poof turned to you and Sonata with a scowl.
"How much of that gunk did you two use?"
>She already knew the answer, her tone gave that much away.
>Before you could say anything, Sonata spoke up.
"We used half of it!"
>Adagio held up the empty bottle, her angry expression worsening .
>Fuck, she must have fished that out of your pocket when you weren't looking.
>"But then we decided to use the rest in case we got caught so we wouldn't have a half bottle of evidence on us."
>You tried to buy a little more sand for yours and Sonata's hourglasses.
>The look on poof's face said she wasn't selling any.
>Just when it looked like she was about to pounce on the both of you, Aria stepped in front of her.
"Cool it Dagi, they didn't know this would happen. They're both morons remember?"
>Adagio's ready to strike posture slowly relaxed but she was still clearly fuming.
"Fuck it. Let's just focus on how we're going to get out of this mess."
>A stay of execution sent from Heaven, you leaned over to Aria, your temporary savior.
>"Thanks babe, we both owe you one."
"You bet your asses you do."
>You figured this was as good of a time as any to try to propose an escape plan.
>"Alright everyone, none of us were present when attendance was called and nobody saw us sneaking around. Not a soul knows we're here so if we all head home and pretend to be sick til next week, I think we'll be in the clear."
"All of us sick at the same time?! They'll never buy it!"
>"You got any better suggestions!?"
"If Sonata and you hadn't-"
"Um...girls..."
"Pinkie's the one who put literal explosives in-"
"Girls....what if we...girls?"
"Why did we think that working with you four would-"
"GIRLS!"
>A timid voice brought forth a stunned silence.
"What if we all went somewhere far away to hide until it's safe to come back."
>Fluttershy you absolute genius.
>You swear a lightbulb appeared over Rarity's head when she heard that.
"My parents bought a rather sizable lodge in the mountains last winter! We can all stay there until this horrid ordeal blows over."
"Won't it look kinda suspicious that we all left town at the exact same time as fatty's ass exploding?"
>Rainbow did have a pretty good point.
"We can make a note telling the principal that we're taking a trip to the mountains for a few weeks, date it a week ago, crumple it up so it looks older, then sneak it into her office when we get back!"
>Everyone looked a little shocked expect for Adagio, Aria, and yourself.
>Sonata would pull a brilliant idea out of thin air every so often and almost immediately afterward go back to her usual absent minded self.
>You pulled her in close and gave her a big kiss on the lips.
>"I swear hon, if applied yourself just a little you could be a goddamn rocket scientist."
"Thanks Nonny!"
>You turned to address the rest of the girls with a determined expression.
>"New plan! Every handover the walkie talkies, and whatever else was used. We'll smash and burn everything when we get to the lodge. Go home, pack enough of whatever you think you'll need for the few weeks, give whatever excuses you need to give to your families, friends, and neighbors so they'll believe it, after that we all meet at the new mall and leave together. Any questions?"
"Ah think this pile of lies is gettin mighty tall sugarcube."
>Oh Applejack you idealistic fool.
"Listen AJ, take a good look at that mess or better yet, smell it, and tell me if you really want to be on the hook for it!"
>Damn, Rainbow called her by her abbreviation, she wasn't fucking around.
>The now wide eyed farm girl peeked around the corner at the carnage and turned white, followed by green, and slowly returned to her normal color.
>The rattled look in her eyes stayed though.
>"Okay everyone, we've wasted enough time arguing. Let's get this escape plan in motion. Come on Sonata, we gotta go."
"But Anooon, the ambulance isn't here yet! I wanna see them roll him out."
>Two weeks had passed since the great escape, you and all the girls seemed to be in the clear so far.
>Rainbooms in the main lodge, you and the dazzlings in the guest cabin.
>Fine by you, didn't have to keep it down while shagging the girls.
>The beginning of this little vacation was a shitshow.
>Catfights, arguments, and more were almost constant.
>When the two groups weren't fighting each other, they were arguing amongst themselves.
>You couldn't wait for this trip to end at first.
>Now you hoped it would never end.
>It had become its own little Heaven.
>You reclined back into your chair, a content smile on your face, watching the beautiful scene before you.
>A gorgeous evening light shone through the windows bathing the interior in an orange glow.
>Rarity was chatting it up with Adagio, the lead model for her newest clothing line.
>Pinkie and Sonata were busy in the kitchen, teacher and student both locked in an intense debate about butter.
>Aria and Rainbow were arm wrestling while Applejack refereed.
>Wonderful friendly chaos.
>Sunset was sitting a couple chairs away from you, lazily sipping a milkshake through a bendy straw.
"I never thought I'd see this. I know friendship is about old enemies learning to get along but this feels almost weird."
>"Who would have thought the thing that would bring us all together would end up being explosive diarrhea?"
>You both shared a laugh.
>"Say you never said where you and the other girls were when you all had the runs. Did you have enough toilets, cause I was unlucky and had to use a cactus pot?"
>Her face turned red while a traumatized look crept across her features.
"We were driving to Applejack's for that sleepover in the barn when the feeling hit us. We're lucky we were on an empty road next to a grassy field."
>"Damn, you girls had it rough. Wait is that the field we passed on road leading out of town?"
"That's the one."
>"So that's why the grass in it was dying!"
>She didn't share your amusement.
>Time to change the subject before this got anymore awkward.
>"Hey girls! What are we having for dinner?"
"TAAAACCCCOOOOSSS!"
>"..............................."
"What? What'd I say?"
THE END